I’m not ready.
I love summer. Days on the water, longer daylight hours, sitting outside in the afternoon without the little black no-see-ums driving me half crazy. And right about now — when the light starts changing and the mornings get a bite to them — I go into what I call my summer depression. I know the season has to end. I just try to hang on to it as long as I can, like I’m dragging my feet on the way home from the best vacation ever taken.
Don’t get me wrong. I do love autumn in its time. Cool nights by a bon fire, the smell of dried leaves, fresh silage getting chopped, harvest on the farm. It’s a good season.
But here’s the other thing that shows up for me this time of year, right alongside the grief of losing summer and it took me a while to see it.
Pumpkin Spice
You’ve seen the posts by now. Everything is suddenly pumpkin spice, apple everything, all the fall flavors. And listen, I get it — they’re delicious. I’m not here to talk you out of a latte. But watch what your brain does the second these things show up. Mine used to go straight to: oh my gosh, it’s finally back, I’d better get my fill before it’s gone again until next year.
Now hang on. Is that actually true?
Last time I checked, you can buy pumpkin spice in July. You can make it any time you want. The “I only get this in the fall” story? It’s a story. It is not a fact. And it’s the exact story that turns three good months into three months of overeating.
And it doesn’t stop at pumpkin spice. It’s the whole run of the “Ber” months.
September rolls in — and honestly most of September is still summer — but the stores already have you excited for the leaves and the tailgates and the apple orchards. Then October: the pumpkin patches, more tailgating, hayrides, Halloween parties. November: football, Thanksgiving, and the warm-up to Christmas. December — well, you know December. Decorating, baking, church activities, family gatherings, office parties. One thing after another, and every single one comes with food you’ve told yourself you “ only get right now.”
Then it’s January, and you’re standing there wondering where the time went and why you let yourself go again.
So let’s tell the truth for a second.
Autumn comes once a year, from around September 22nd to around December 21st. Fact. Halloween is October 31st. Fact. Thanksgiving is the fourth Thursday in November. Fact. Christmas is December 25th. Fact.
None of that is going anywhere. And none of it requires you to eat like the food is being outlawed on January 1st.
Take Thanksgiving dinner — the turkey, the mashed potatoes and gravy, the stuffing, the sweet potatoes, the green bean casserole, whatever’s traditional at your table. Growing up, that meal usually happened once a year. So that’s the story I carried into adulthood.
But when I got serious about losing my weight, I had to actually look at what I was telling myself. And instead of stuffing myself and feeling miserable, I started saying: this is amazing food, and I don’t have to inhale it, because I can have it again.
And guess what? There were always leftovers. I could buy a turkey and make that whole meal next month if I wanted to. The old story was just what I knew. But just because that’s how it was done in my past doesn’t mean it has to run my future.
Now I come to those meals from a completely different place. I listen to my body — my -2 and my +2. I enjoy my family and the reason we’re all at the table in the first place. The food’s still there. I’m just not afraid of it anymore.
So here’s where I’ve landed and it’s two things at once.
I can grieve at the end of summer. I can be a little sad the water days are over and mean it. That’s allowed.
And I can walk into fall without handing my brain a five-month permission slip. Both of those are true at the same time. Loving a season and losing control in it were never the same thing — I just used to treat them like they were.
The grief is real. The “now or never” is a story.
So my challenge to you this fall: start listening for the stories. “I only get this once a year.” “It’s Grandma’s special recipe.” “I’d better have it now.” Catch them. Then go looking for what else is true.
Because what you focus on you create more of. Keep telling yourself the scarcity story and you’ll keep eating like it’s your last chance. Start telling yourself the truth and the whole season gets a lot lighter.
Enjoy the rest of your summer, my friend. There’s still some left.
~Amy